Well, I've hit the halfway mark of my life in Takeo city in Japan. So I've decided to sum up what it's been like for me:
Normally when one arrives in a new country, the first stage of culture shock is elation and extreme excitement over all the new experiences. However, for me, this is my 4th time in Japan, so nothing really felt that new. It was fun being in the energy of Tokyo again, for orientation, and neat to see my new home and decorate my apartment. And I had a good time on my trip to Shikoku because I'd never been there before and the Inland Sea is so beautiful. But in general I just felt neutral.
End of August/early September was pretty much emotional hell because of heartbreak and realizing how incredibly alone I really was. And I had this feeling of "What the hell am I doing here?! I'm all alone in this random little town in Japan! What was I thinking?!"
I took my trip to Thailand and Hong Kong, which was awesome and really good for me. It was nice to get away and get some perspective.
Then the day after I got back I met Miko outside my apartment. The month of October was filled up with moving Miko into my apt, bonding with her, and figuring out how the hell to care for a cat for the first time. I'm so glad I found her and can't imagine my life here without her - waiting for me at the door when I come home, and sitting by the tub as I take a bath.
I took one trip in October, but it was only ok. Honestly, there are only so many little Japanese towns, temples, gardens, and castles you can see before they all start to look the same. It was also my first weekend leaving Miko alone in the apartment, and I had a little emotional breakdown as the train pulled away, and considered turning back. I ended up coming home a day early from the trip. It was raining anyways.
November and early December were pretty low. I began to realize how totally pointless my job is. I sometimes go to classes. and often all I do there is read vocab words aloud so the students can repeat them. This is what I went to Northwestern for? It's just so boring! Sometimes we're allowed to be a little more creative, especially in elementary schools, which is good.
The weather was getting colder, the holidays were coming up, and loneliness, culture shock and homesickness were really starting to set in. Not to mention the fact that Takeo is pretty boring. I had a few serious emotional breakdowns and was advised by some counselors to just go home if it's really this bad for my mental health. I considered it. But I would feel like a quitter and I wouldn't want to have to spend the rest of my life explaining why I quit JET. Besides there are still some places in Asia I want to travel to and I want to see the cherry blossoms in Japan.
Miko went into heat and I had to get her fixed, which was emotional because I would be leaving for vacation a week after her operation and I was worried that something would go wrong. But she was fine.
Thank god my family came out Christmas. It was so good to see them! Everytime I see my sister, she gets more beautiful and more mature.
And they brought me Mac and Cheese and cereal and Cosmo! Traveling around Japan with them was good, but again, it was mostly places I'd been to before and nothing really new. Except Toyko Disney, which was kinda a bust because of freezing/raining/snowing weather. Damn!
Vietnam was good and nice just to spend some time with my Mom. But we didn't find the sites as old or interesting as Japan or Thailand. Good food and shopping though. The trip was a little long and we were exhausted by the end. It was sort of nice to get back to my quiet routine.
But that feeling only lasted a few days, and then I slipped back into an on-and-off deep depression. It was so cold!
I suddenly started writing again (poetry and creative non-fiction) which has been therapeutic and built up my confidence a little. And it's put me in touch with a side of myself that I haven't really known since high school.
I just handed in my form, officially saying that I am NOT recontracting for another year. Even though I'd known for awhile that I was going to do it, it was incredibly liberating to make it official.
I'm going to attempt to make the last six months better than the first. The weather will start to warm up soon. And I'm planning some trips for spring, including a 2 week trip to the US! YES!
Here are some things I have learned in the past 6 months:
1) I don't like being alone as much as I thought I did
2) Men are idiots (I sorta already knew that one though). But seriously, I learned that a man alone cannot make you happy. There have to be things in your life that you have for youself that make you happy. And people in your life who will be there for you when the man leaves. Because more often than not, they always do.
3) I never appreciated things like dryers, dishwashers, and central heating enough when I lived in America
4) NY is the greatest city in the world, and when I move back home, I may never leave
5) I need help. But admitting that is the first step towards recovery.
6) Getting paid to do nothing is not as fun as you'd imagine. It's much better to have a job that is actually challenging and engaging.
7) Things like family, and the place you come from (where you really belong and where people understand you) are more important than I used to think.
